In order to have healthy communication in a marriage, you need to learn to be a good listener. James 1:19 says to, “... be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.” If you will listen to what is actually being said—not what you think someone is saying—and if you will focus on listening rather than on responding, your communication will flow much smoother.
When you do speak, think about how you should communicate your subject matter and the feelings behind it. For example, is what you are about to say wise and truthful? Does it contain an understanding of the other’s position or feelings? “My mouth shall speak wisdom, and the meditation of my heart shall give understanding” (Psalm 49:3). “For my mouth will speak truth; wickedness is an abomination to my lips” (Proverbs 8:7). If you know yourself to be right in a situation, don’t be arrogant or prideful; be right humbly. “Do not lift up your horn on high; do not speak with a stiff neck” (Psalm 75:5). “Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he will lift you up” (James 4:10).
We all have times when we get angry and communication is a little fiery, but we do NOT have to sin in those kinds of discussions. This is difficult but not impossible. “Be angry, and do not sin: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil” (Ephesians 4:26-27). Therefore, it is always a good idea to pray and think before starting what you know will be a difficult conversation. Good communication must be intentional, not reactionary. Lastly, remember that you want to honor the Lord in all that you say and do, but especially in your marriage. Colossians 3:17 says, “And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.”