How do I fight fair with my spouse?

In this fallen world, it is inevitable that we will have disagreements. We must choose to navigate those disagreements wisely and in a way that doesn’t offend the Holy Spirit who dwells in those who belong to Jesus Christ. One of the passages in Scripture that speaks to this in the Book of Ephesians.

“Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:29-32).

In this passage, there is no room for evil, mean, degrading, filthy, and/or vengeful speech when in a disagreement with your spouse. You do not have to tear the other down in order to disagree. We need to first look within and ask ourselves why we are really angry. Is it just that our pride is hurt? Did something not go the way we thought it should? Always check the motive behind why you are disagreeing first. Sometimes a fight can be avoided by realizing that your spouse didn’t do something to you purposefully.

Now there are times when we are wronged, and we have legitimate cause to be upset. However, that does not give us the right to fight harshly. We still need to seek out how the Lord would have us respond so that we don’t offend the Holy Spirit. This is when we should take a step back, process the hurt, and then, as calmly as possible, discuss the wrong with a willingness to forgive. Why? Because we have been forgiven by the Lord for much worse. Remember this, our sin may affect other people, but it is never against them. The reason it is never against them is because we are all sinners. Sin is only against God Himself because only God is perfectly holy. Psalm 51:4 says, “Against You, You only, have I sinned and done this evil in Your sight. That You may be found just when You speak, and blameless when You judge.”